Baby Mine (Hunter & Lennon duet Book 1) Page 17

Lennon needs a friend right now, someone familiar who knew Brandon as well as she did, and that’s all I ever plan to be. Eventually, she’ll move on, and as I’ve done since day one, I’ll step aside and let her find happiness again.

  Because she deserves all the happiness in the world.

  That day will be here before I know it. This will all be a distant memory, and it’ll be as if our temporary friendship never existed. As painful as it is to think about, the only way I can fully prepare myself for the destruction of my heart is to acknowledge it’s going to happen and even expect it.

  “Hey,” Lennon’s voice rings out, pulling me from my dark thoughts.

  I turn off the water and open the shower curtain at the same time as Lennon opens the bathroom door. Her eyes widen in shock as she stares at my body as if she’s unable to look away. I quickly grab a towel and wrap it around my waist, scrubbing a hand over my face as the water drips down my chest.

  “I’m so sorry,” she stammers, covering her eyes and turning around. “I thought you were still showering and wouldn’t hear me, and I clearly shouldn’t have just barged in.”

  A smile splits my face at how flustered she is, considering the romance novels she’s reading. “Lennon,” I say her name, but she refuses to budge. “I’m wearing a towel now.”

  “I-I didn’t see anything. I mean, I saw you, but I didn’t see anything. Wait, that sounds bad. I mean, I saw, but I wasn’t looking. Or rather, I didn’t mean to look. Like I said, I didn’t think you’d be able to hear me over the water and—”

  I’m full on laughing now. “Lennon, it’s okay. I turned off the water because I heard you and wanted to be able to respond to whatever you needed.”

  “It’s not funny. Stop laughing.”

  I put my hands on her shoulder and make her spin around to face me. I tilt her chin up, but she squeezes her eyes so tight, and I’m cracking up all over again. “Are you going to look at me?”

  She shakes her head. “I’d rather not.”

  I smirk. “Okay, what is it you needed then?”

  Lennon swallows, still insisting on keeping her eyes shut. “I was going to suggest Chinese food and that I’d order it because now I’m starving and wasn’t sure how much longer you’d be, but I guess that’s irrelevant now.”

  Studying her features, I notice the freckles on her nose and how adorable they are. Her long blond hair cascades down her back, and I know she’s hiding blue eyes behind her lids. Whether she throws her hair up in a messy ponytail or she styles it with lots of curls, Lennon always looks gorgeous without even trying. And when she smiles, it brightens the entire room.

  “Chinese sounds great,” I tell her softly. “I’ll take the chicken and broccoli with fried rice.”

  “Great.” She pinches her lips tight. “I’ll place the order.”

  She turns around quickly, then rushes out, shutting the door behind her.

  I blink, wondering if that just happened and if things are going to be weird now. The last thing I want is for any awkwardness between us, so I try to think of something funny to say once I’m dressed and back in the living room.

  “What season was it where Chandler walked in on Rachel after she took a shower and saw her naked? The whole episode she was embarrassed about him seeing her ‘boobies’ and tried to get him back but ended up walking in on Joey naked instead,” I say with a laugh, hoping to lighten the mood.

  “Can we please not talk about it? I’m already embarrassed and unable to look at you now.”

  Lennon keeps her head low and avoids eye contact.

  “Too soon?” I quip, then realize how red her cheeks still are. “You’re embarrassed?” I ask with amusement. “I had just gotten out of a hot shower, and cold air hit me as soon as you opened the door.” I sit on the other side of the couch. “I’m the one who should be embarrassed here.” I’m not at all, but she doesn’t need to know that.

  That makes Lennon laugh, and I smile.

  “Cold air isn’t good for a man’s pride, by the way. Especially naked,” I add, hoping she stops feeling weird.

  “I know you’re feeding me bullshit, so I’ll feel less guilty,” Lennon accuses, finally looking up and meeting my gaze. “But thank you. I do feel awful, though. I should’ve just waited, but my stomach was growling. After Mason fed me lunch, I buried myself in a book all afternoon and haven’t eaten since then.”

  “It’s fine, Lennon,” I tell her honestly. “Did you order?”

  “Yep. Should be here in thirty minutes.” She grabs the remote from the coffee table and turns on the Apple TV. “I bought a few seasons of Friends so we can start from the beginning.”

  We get through one and a half episodes before the doorbell rings. Pushing myself up, I stand and answer it. Memories of the night Brandon died rush through my mind, and I think about how Lennon reacted to the delivery guy. I look over my shoulder and see her eyes glued to the screen, so I’m not even sure if she remembers it.

  “Thanks,” I tell the man and bring our food inside. Setting the bag on the coffee table, I go to grab some plates and forks. “You need a drink?” I call out once I’m in the kitchen.

  I don’t get an answer, and moments later, I hear Lennon rushing down the hallway and then a door slamming. “What the hell?” I mutter, following the sound. Standing outside the bathroom door, I hear her dry heaving.

  Tapping my knuckles on the wood, I call her name. “Lennon? Are you okay? Can I come in?”

  She’s emptying her stomach, which wasn’t full to begin with, and it worries me even more. I don’t wait for a response and walk in to check on her.

  “Go away.” She sounds defeated as she kneels next to the porcelain.

  Rolling my eyes, I ignore her request and grab a towel. After handing it to her, I wrap my hands around her shoulders and fist her hair, so it’s out of the way.

  “I think I’m done,” she says softly, sitting back, looking pale. “That hit me out of nowhere. I opened the bag of Chinese, and as soon as I smelled it, nausea hit me.”

  “Hope you aren’t getting a stomach bug,” I say, my eyes narrow in worry.

  “I don’t know. Maybe.” She wipes her mouth with the towel, and I hold out my hand to help her to her feet. “I did go out in public today, so my system probably went into shock.” She laughs at herself. “I think I’ll be okay, but maybe no Chinese.”

  “Probably a safe bet.” I smile in return. “I’ll find you something else.” We walk out of the bathroom and back into the living room. I take the bag of food and bring it into the kitchen, placing hers in the fridge. Grabbing the loaf of bread, I make her two pieces of toast with butter. Whether or not she’s getting the flu, she needs to eat something.

  Once I deliver the food to her, we sit and watch more Friends episodes. I keep my eye on her and ask if she’s still feeling sick. I offer to bring in a bowl just in case, but she reassures me the toast is helping.

  “Thank you, Hunter,” she says once we shut down for the night. I have to be up for work early, but time flies when we’re just hanging out together and not drowning in our sadness.

  “For what?” I ask, locking up and flicking off the main lights.

  She lowers her eyes for a moment, then brings them back up to mine with a small smile on her face. “For not making me go through this alone. Your company has really helped me during this time, and I just wanted you to know I appreciate it. I’m sure you have a dozen other things you’d rather be doing.”

  I study her, wondering if she really thinks that. Walking toward her, I close the gap between us and wrap my arms around her. “I promise, there’s nowhere I’d rather be, Lennon.” I pull back and look at her. “You’re not bad to be around when you aren’t screaming at me and threatening my balls.” I shoot her a wink, which makes her swat at my chest.

  “You deserved it,” she reminds me before her smile falls. “I hope one day I can wake up without this weight of sadness on my chest. It helps knowing I’m not suffering alone, though. I kn
ow you cared about him too.”

  I hate hearing the pain in her voice. She doesn’t openly talk about her feelings, at least not in the past few weeks. She seems content with just burying them, but the fact she’s talking about it now without bursting into tears is a good sign.

  “One day at a time,” I remind her. Before I have time to think better of it, I pull her back into my arms again and kiss the top of her head. “It’s okay to be sad, Lennon. Just don’t let the sadness consume you so much that you stop living.”

  “I know,” she says softly. “I try to remind myself of that daily. Doesn’t always win, though.”

  I step back, distancing myself from her. “And that’s okay. Some days are better than every day.”

  Lennon flashes me a sincere smile, then follows me down the hallway where we split into our new rooms. Once I shut my door, I lean against it and squeeze my eyes shut. She has no idea how much restraint I’ve used these past two years, and the fact that she’s leaning on me now as we both grieve our loss makes it even harder to keep my emotions in check. Pulling her close felt right. I won’t allow her to go through this alone. Even though it hurts more and more each day, I’ll be what she needs as I continue to pretend my feelings for her never existed.

  Even if it kills me in the end.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Lennon

  The days don’t seem as long, and getting out of bed in the morning isn’t as hard. Still, the loss exists and hits me without warning. A few nights ago, after the smell of Chinese food made me sick, Hunter showed a caring side I didn’t know existed. Part of me says he’s being nice because I was Brandon’s girlfriend, but I know he’s being genuine now. Hunter wouldn’t spend his nights with me if he truly didn’t want to, but I have this anxious feeling in my gut that things will eventually change, and he won’t want me around anymore.

  Perhaps it’s because I’ve lived in an apartment that never truly felt like mine. It’s always been just a temporary living situation until Brandon and I moved out. Now that I have no real reason to be here, I’m waiting for when Hunter is ready to move on with his life that won’t include me lingering around in my sadness.

  Still, he continues to reassure me he has no problem with me being here. I can’t even remember the last time he’s brought a date home, which is odd considering Hunter’s previous habits. He goes to work, comes home to make or order dinner, then we hang out and flip through channels until bedtime.

  “Lennon, have you been cleaning?” Maddie asks, looking around the spotless apartment. Sophie sits next to me and starts looking around too.

  “No.” I snort. “What’s there to clean?”

  “Did you get a housekeeper?” Sophie asks, glancing from the living room to the kitchen.

  “No,” I say, dragging out the word.

  They both look at me with confused expressions on their faces.

  “Apparently, Hunter knows how to clean after all,” I say, chuckling. “Or he does it to keep his mind busy.” I shrug, not really knowing why he’s been keeping up with the apartment. I was a mess in those early weeks after Brandon’s death and barely moved off the couch. Hunter did everything. Hell, he still does.

  “I can’t picture it,” Maddie says. “He’s like this big beefed up dude, and now you’re telling me he walks around in an apron and feather dusts the place?”

  Sophie and I burst out laughing at her exaggerations. “I didn’t need that image in my head.” Sophie cackles.

  “I never said that!” I’m laughing so hard there are tears in my eyes.

  But now my mind wanders to the moment when I walked in on him in the bathroom. I could’ve sworn the water was still on, and the last thing I expected to see was a very naked Hunter. I pull my lips into my mouth so I don’t blurt out my thoughts. My sisters are the last people who need to know what happened. They’d never let me live it down and would probably want all the details. My cheeks heat thinking about it, and I hope neither notice.

  “Well, regardless, he’s doing a good job,” Maddie praises.

  “He definitely is. It’s as if he’s flipped a switched from mega asshole to mega sweet. It’s weird,” I admit.

  “Probably just trying to make things easier on you,” Sophie suggests.

  I shrug again, not really knowing why either.

  “So aside from going to the bookstore on Tuesday, have you left the apartment?” Sophie asks, changing the subject.

  “Yes, thank you very much. I did a load of laundry and grabbed the mail,” I say smugly, though I know it’s not going to be enough to satisfy her.

  “Oh I should’ve been more specific,” Sophie says dramatically, rolling her eyes at me. “Have you left the premises?”

  “No. What for? I’m on summer break!” I try to defend myself.

  “That’s it, we’re going out tonight!” Maddie announces way too loudly. “Girls’ night out. We’re gonna get shitfaced, have sex in bar bathrooms, and dance like no one’s watching!”

  Sophie and I stare at her unamused before we both start chuckling. “You need a leash, woman,” I tell her. “And we aren’t doing any of that because gross.”

  “I mean, I’m not opposed to the first two,” Sophie teases.

  “Okay, I’ll settle for the Coliseum since they won’t kick my underage ass out. We can play pool, and I’ll school you in darts.” Maddie’s nearly begging, which makes it even harder to say no.

  “I don’t know…” I hesitate. Brandon and I went there a lot, which will be another reminder he’s no longer here. “I don’t know if I can go in there just yet.”

  My sisters look at me with sympathy in their eyes and are probably wondering when I’m going to allow myself to live again. It’s only been two months, but no matter if I’m ready to merge back into life, the world moves on around me. I know Brandon wouldn’t want me to waste away and do nothing, but losing him is still very raw.

  “Let me think about it,” I tell them.

  “Think about what?” Hunter’s booming voice makes the three of us jump. I didn’t even hear the front door open. He’s in his work clothes, which are surprisingly nice. I know he works on construction sites, but he’s in his office quite a bit too.

  “Hunter, talk some sense into your roommate and tell her it’s time to go out and have a little fun tonight,” Maddie says before I can respond to him.

  He shoots me a look, examining my face, then blinks. “Where at?”

  “The Coliseum,” Maddie responds. “She’s barely left the apartment in weeks.” She turns all the way around to face Hunter. “Hell, you should come too! Both of you could use a night of fun.”

  I bite my lower lip, anxious to hear his response. Maddie’s good at being unpredictable and blurting out the first thing that comes to her mind.

  “In fact, let’s invite Liam and Mason, and we can all go out!” She claps her hand as if her idea is pure brilliance. “Whatcha say, Lennon?”

  Sophie looks at me as if she’s given up taming our sister. Hunter studies me, wondering if he should put in his two cents. I know I should get out of the house, but I’m just not sure if I’m ready to be with the gang without Brandon.

  When Hunter steps forward, he must sense my concern. He takes a seat next to me on the couch and faces my sisters who are sitting on the coffee table. “What if we go to Home Base? I know a guy who works there who’ll let you in,” he says, turning to Maddie.

  She jumps up, then wraps her arms around Hunter. I chuckle at the way he furrows his brows in confusion. “Hells yeah! Let’s do it!” Maddie gives Sophie a high five who just shakes her head at our little sister.

  Part of me is shocked Hunter would suggest this since I know how he and his friends love the Coliseum, but maybe he’s not ready to go back there yet either. I’m sure he could see the uncertainty in my eyes, but I’m actually really glad he’s going to be there tonight.

  “Great, we’ll meet you guys there at nine?” Sophie suggests, standing and grabbing Maddie. “I need
to give this one a swig of NyQuil, so she calms the hell down.”

  That has Hunter and me laughing. When they’re finally gone, Hunter turns to me.

  “Sure you wanna go out tonight?” He studies my face, and his concern makes me feel safe. “Because you don’t have to if you’re not ready.”

  I nod, lowering my eyes before looking back at him. “Yeah. I was worried about going to the Coliseum, so thanks for suggesting somewhere else. It might be fun to try somewhere new.”

  Hunter pats his hand on my knee and nods before pushing himself up. “I’m gonna take a quick shower. Do you wanna eat something before we leave?”

  “Sure, I was actually thinking of cooking.”

  He raises his brows at me as if I’d just admitted I was in love with a blue alien or something.

  “I know how to cook, remember?” I laugh at his facial expression. “Plus, I kinda owe you.”

  Hunter smiles then shrugs. “Okay, just don’t poison me.” He winks before turning away and walking down the hallway.

  It’s nothing glamorous, but I make a pan of baked spaghetti with lots of mozzarella cheese and a side of garlic toast. As soon as Hunter emerges from his shower, all dressed and ready, he compliments how great it smells and dives in.

  The anxiety of how this doesn’t feel weird when it should hit me. Hunter and I eating together is our new normal, yet I’m waiting for the rug to be pulled out from under me. This was Brandon’s and my routine, and without him here, I feel as if I’ve replaced him. Though I know that isn’t the case, I can’t shake the feeling. After dinner, I clean up, then go to my room to dress.

  It’s a quarter till nine when Hunter knocks on the door and asks if I’m ready. I can’t decide what to wear since everything reminds me of Brandon. The dresses and shirts I wore during special moments or dates are automatically out. It doesn’t feel right wearing them now.

  “Hold on,” I call out, slamming the hangers as I brush through my closet again. I haven’t moved my clothes into my “new” room, so he probably needs to get in here now.